The Boy

The boy
With a slow pull, as if he relishes the experience, the boy slices cleanly into his upper arm. As he ruminates about the wreck his life has become, he silently ticks off another notch in the blood of his mental calendar. The boy has sliced open the scar perhaps a million times, fearing detection if he dares open up another wound. The wound may be on his shoulder, or perhaps his leg or his foot, or even perhaps his hand  He thinks slowly, and realize that he can not remember a day in the last year where the old wound had been fully healed. Quietly, he tapes the bandage back onto his bicep and tugs his shirt over the incriminating mark. Perfectly disguised to resemble any other cheery, bubbly high school student, the boy scrambles into his class just before the bell rings. Perhaps he has been talking to a girl who he has no chance of ever becoming more than friends with, or joking with some pals whom he will forget the moment he leaves his school. In his class, be it mathematics, English, science, or some other form of organized depravity, the boy tunes out and begins to dream. He dreams of new worlds, of grand adventures, of despicable villains and hideous monsters. He dreams of shining swords and brilliant inventions. In his dreams he is all that he wishes and more, in love with the girl of his dreams and a valiant hero for the land in which he chooses to stay. His dreams mask the bitter taste of failure in the classes, the horrible clench in the pit of his guts when he realizes that the teacher is going to call on him and he has not paid attention for the last year. The dreams pave over reality with the sickly-sweet smell of another reality which cannot be. The boy moves on, takes his lunch alone and aloof, managing to convince himself that he is better off alone, without the company of the dozens of boys just like him who he is too stubborn, to isolated to see. The boy honestly believes that the feelings which he has, the experiences he faces, are completely unique. The boy drifts through the day, his in-class dreams becoming darker and more violent. By the end of the day the boy is trapped in a corner of his own mind, desperately trying to escape the prisons surrounding him both in his mind and in his life. The boy drifts home, perhaps taking some time out to chat up the girl from before school in a hopeless attempt at flattery or maybe a sport or activity which he has never been very good at. The boy only does the sports in order to appease his parents. At home again, the boy sits in his room, the bare, undecorated husk of a place which would he all to easy to clear. The boy's few prized possessions, perhaps a few books or some music, are lovingly stored in the corner. Any casual visitor would at first be struck by the mess, and 'lived-in' feeling of the room, but would soon realize just how barren it really was. Alone in his room, the boy finishes the last pieces of homework and perhaps takes a few pills. The pills are usually prescription, and the prescription is sometimes his. Occasionally the boy smokes a joint or two. The boy might, depending on the day, cut another notch into the ever growing list of woes developing on his body. After several years of living through this sham of a life, the boy finally caves in to his interior demands and ends himself. Perhaps he slices his wrist whilst out on a walk in the woods, or perhaps he takes a final plunge off of a high overlook. The boy is not loud about his decision, and talks to no one about it. He disdains to call the suicide hotline or to let anyone attempt to talk him out of it, for at his deepest core he truly wants this to all end. As the final moments of his life on earth tick out, he reflects that he could have done so much more with his life. His school sanctions a day off of class for his funeral, causing droves of students to flock to his tomb. Few of these folk knew him more than the occasional exchange of words in the halls, but most simply wish to skip class. Following a reverent silence, another boy, who had known the first in some way, suffers through some hardships in his life, and a replacement for the boy is found, so that the cycle may begin again.